Power

I have the power
to make choices
to seek peace in my emotions
that I am powerless over
in the now

I have the power
to talk to people, enjoy their company
to talk to my computer, enjoy its emotional safety
to talk to my god, rage, scream, hate it
to talk to myself, try and be patient and loving and kind

I have the power
to make decisions that affect other's lives
to be the best person I can ever possibly be
to take chances and make mistakes
to live, one day at a time

I have the power to screw my head up
no drugs needed
to clench my teeth till sparks fly
to wake up in the middle of the night
from having drunk too much water before going to sleep
to stay awake, tossing and turning
my shoulders tense, my eyes stubbornly closed
until I ache to do something -- anything -- except
desperately try to sleep

I have the power
to ask for help
from those imperfect humans
who are no better than I
who can help

I have the power
to appreciate the world
as it is
make my life easy
and smooth

I have the power
to change the world and people around me
spend my energy fixing the windmills
feel my strength, love my lovers, judge my family and friends
know-it-all, travel everywhere, footloose and arrogant

I have the power
to feel my feelings
and like them or dislike them
they are still mine
I own them, if not by choice

I have the power
to judge myself
put myself on a scale
of right and wrong
of perfection and imperfection

I have the power to see the world as it is
imperfect, alas!
by my standards
though if you asked the Universe
all is copacetic

I have the power
to misuse my power
be arbitrary, greedy, jealous, unreasonable
I am human
judge me not, for I judge myself first

I have the power
to kill with my thoughts
to create hell in my fantasies
to inspire with my words
to read, write, and do arithmetic

I have the power
people trust me
people think I will give them what they need
people like me, amazingly
people laugh at my jokes

I have the power
to love, to hate, to cry, to smile
a fixed unvarying smile that means
nothing other than: I don't want you to hate me

I have the power
and so do others
whom I hate and resent
for their power over me
which I give them in exchange for love
I will run from love, so you will not take my power

I have the power
to remember my past
and draw lessons from it
or forget it all
make the same mistakes
expecting different results
the lessons are painful

I have the power
to obsess over what I haven't done
to waste my time wishing
and pretending
and denying

I have the power
to think myself beautiful
to love others as I would have the world love me
to spend time with a kitty
until he bites

I have the power
to waste my time
from now to eternity
doing things
I resent, have to do, don't enjoy, waste my time, procrastinate

I have the power
to see the flowers
to taste the guava
to love the girl inside every woman

I have the power
to honor my sex
my hunger and my dreams
my thirst for power and knowledge
my inevitable death

I have the power
to trust
that all
will be
OK