Welcome old friend
Hurts from the past
Mingle with the present
So attached am I

Pain, intense, hurts
Anger, inadequacy, shame
I must, should, can't
All that is wrong with the world

Pain, loud in my ears
moves my heart and mind
easier than acceptance and love
how can that be?

Love lust and fear
decision making under uncertainty
Being wrong, evil, unsuccessful
Unloved, uncared for, lost and alone

Torturing myself
Because it is safer
Known, comforting
than love