Feelings and Fantasies

In the midst of chaos
what I want and what I have
who I am and who you are
feelings swirl

I have a plan
a perfect plan
looks nice in my head
I cannot do it

Glorious, shining, powerful
my feelings shift
with the clouds
what I crave feels insane

Feelings let go
I hold on
abstract ideas
worth more than gold
to me

form over function
dreams over food
where did I go wrong?

never happy
with where I am
always better
until the road ends

fear of failure
fear of success
strength of my mind
does me no good

Kafka would be proud
I bet he was thankful
he caught TB

The world makes less and less sense
the more I live
I cannot live for me
and yet I live

Scared and in fear
of my mortality
of not leaving my name
writ large

Scared and in fear
of my life force
of leaving behind
a life worth living

Unseen forces
operating in my life
heart bursting with passion
which can only kill me.
and keep me alive.

Living in a dream
hard wood, solid steel
the wood rots, steel rusts
music alone is real

What I want and what I have
are guaranteed
not to match

Another day in the life
in paradise
beached like a whale

Just try to save me
I will fight you
every step of the way
I protect my heart

because I am me
because I fear me

free feelings feeling free
arouse fear and loathing
how dare they
not fear me

someone else is in charge
I made my choices
didn't choose my choices
splendidly spoiled

self-pity is a disease
expectations hurt
and yet I am human
I have them

dead or alive
I live, live, live!
every day I die some more
one day at a time

drama rears her glorious head
shining, glittery
feet of clay
in ruby slippers

a sense of humor
is the gift from the gods
absence of pain
in the heart

perfection sucks