Who's in control here?

Thank you god
for the sunset air
so clear and dark
weightless clouds

when I see
that I am not god
as evidenced
by craving

and not getting
what I crave
who I crave
my attachments

when I see
that I am not god
I hurt
I feel anger sadness hurt loss betrayal

I am a basket case
So I beat on myself
evidence of control
I will hurt myself first

looking deep in my soul
if I can't get what I want
I won't want what I can get
the world sucks

she cannot take away my pain
oh, but temporarily she can
then she's gone and it hurts
and I beat myself up, again.

independent insanity
dependence on love
acceptance, letting go
a loving, gentle god?