Emptiness my friend

looking for love
all I want is sex
wanting children
I fear committment
I like you
but I can't have sex
without committment
I don't know how to handle that
so I don't, I hide, I don't touch you
I chase after
all the others
more distant, more safe
more beautiful in my eyes
until they too
become to be feared
and I no longer want them
I am learning slowly
to live with the ghost dance
here today gone tomorrow
sweet sexy images
burning in my mind
emptiness is my friend
when I can spend time with her
in meditation
my life is better
intolerability decreases
I must learn how to say no
to who I want
that I may be choosing strength
not a master
not a service
I must practice saying no
when I don't want to say yes
or else risk losing my soul
again, forever
I don't like saying no
sometimes it's easier
sometimes hard
but the only other way I know
is to hurt you
until you run