sex, sex, sex
in search of apples
I keep picking oranges,
tangerines, kumquats, pineapples
all very tasty
and none of them

I keep trying to escape
the pain
the fear
the future
and the past
and I still find pain, fear, future, past.

free floating anger
hurting, wanting to hurt
will strike and chase away
anyone who dares
to come close to my pain
sex is better

who can control
anger, sex, pain, fear?
I cannot
my anger cannot
my pain cannot
my fear cannot
sex can, only briefly alas!
until I run from sex
as from all else

looking for the pain
that I can grow through
to a brighter future
means self-abusively
looking for pain

emotionally immature
dominated by emotions
fears, anger, pain
that in my beautiful life
I have no reason
to allow
to dominate me

the future will happen
the past already has
the joy of wrestling with them
deadens my life
the present is great
so I must escape
into pain, fear, solitude
fantasy, sex