Can't cook

I can't cook any more
my can opener broke!
choosing to be happy
in spite of self-sabotage

off balance from working
not working from being off balance
an addiction is hard to shake
when procrastination rules

sleep, escape, run away
avoid myself and others
unless i have to
and can keep it impersonal

I am so grateful I can feel my feelings
even the uncomfortable ones
since the only other choice I know
is to suppress them

lack of trust,
uncomfortable with emptiness,
feeling I must be god, or wrong
fear, shame, anger, hurt, guilt

and love
the most uncomfortable of all