Jingju

So drawn to the moon's reflection in the water
I have no interest in looking at the real thing
she seems old and frail, but still beautiful
life is so much easier when I just play along
watch my wants and desires take on the world
and peacefully pursue what is mine to pursue, one and all
knowing my imperfections make me beautiful too
and the love that I so much seem to express
I see it reflected in the smiling faces around me
in my own desires that I resist until they turn into cravings
turning into fear that I might get what I want
so I push and prod myself and you, which never works right
until I can see this eternal battle and I can let go
and know I cannot push a wave or hold back the tide
though it sometimes seems worth it to try
when I listen to what is and follow that guidance
it is so much easier to give and to take and to remember to play
what I don't care for, I have no fear of
how free I might be if I could be free of my fear
do I fear that you fear what I fear?
it is just so much fun to let go and watch the costumes people wear
trusting that what doesn't happen is as good as what happens
letting go of whoever might be reading this, and why
the moon in the water moves in my memory, and winks and smiles
in these corners of time when I focus on love
for myself, for others, for the natural world, for what is
my guide knocks on my shoulder and smiles in turn
my heart open for once, overflowing with joy
I was happy to give, expecting nothing in return
surrounded by beauty and the continuing miracle of living here
and beautiful people all immersed in their roles
a young woman in love, so happy and attractive, never giving up
two young spirits, playful and serious, so graceful
two old men with two beards, one helpful, one not
and armies so colorful juggling spears and pretending to fight
in a way no real army ever fought, with pageantry and style
pleasing to the eye and the heart, no one is hurt and nobody wins
and then back to me and the plain old breakfast
is it time? is it time? am I hungry yet? can I look at myself?
loving my silly impossible dreams, maybe possible
with a courage I don't have reaching for the goal
that I try so hard not to care for
sleeping with the enemy, for the enemy is us
when I can see the water it feels so spiritual
like she cradled me in the womb and I never forgot
some decisions are forever, every instant is forever
and we all have so many of them!
I am banking the happy ones, setting the rest free
if the now lasts forever, my fear has no power over me.